I remember telling God, my heart is sick, how long Jesus until things are settled? You said hope deferred makes the heart sick, so when is my longing going to be fulfilled? Well I would love to say that HE responded quick and easy, but NO HE didn't. What I realized and am still learning is that through this waiting, I am learning more about God's nature, about HIS timing about MY heart and what I still need to work on in ME. Going through the wait or having this hope fulfilled is teaching me more about what many verses in the bible mean. For instance in Romans 8:24-25 it says " For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not YET have, we wait for it patiently."
UGH!!! There's that word PATIENTLY . Nope, don't got that down. That's where I stop and say "Really, God? You don't think waiting for the past 12 years is enough? I mean to me that seems like a pretty good darn time?" But then I think, actually NO, I haven't been the most patient and even now I KNOW I get in God's way with my attitude, complaining, anger and ATTITUDE. Oh wait, I said that one already, well I guess that's because its a big one for me. My attitude really needs a lot of work if I am going to be patient in my waiting.
There is a verse that I would sing in songs, I'm sure you might have heard it, it sings "Your grace is enough for me". I would sing it all happy like I meant it, until last summer the actual bible verse got me thinking. In 2 Corinthians 12:9 God is talking to Paul about a struggle (thorn) that Paul is dealing with and says "MY GRACE IS SUFFICIENT FOR YOU, FOR MY POWER IS MADE PERFECT IN YOUR WEAKNESS". It wasn't until last summer where that verse took hold of my heart. I had been hoping, waiting for a certain situation to change or get closure in a matter. I thought that getting that closure or being told what I wanted to hear from this person, was going to help me heal, feel better, move on. The battle in my life was that I wanted to let out my frustration, tell this person all the wrong and pain they had caused me because you see, if I let it all out and tell them, then I was hoping that "HE/SHE" would make me feel better. Quickly this verse made me think, what does it mean YOUR grace is enough? I mean really what does that mean?
God had instructed me to NOT talk, to NOT handle things my usual way, to keep still, silent and see how HIS grace was going to be enough to heal my wounds, lift my head and weary heart. I remember it so strong in my spirit, that HIS grace, HIS love, HE alone was going to answer my aching heart EVEN THOUGH the situation wasn't changing. I was hit with a reality check that I was believing more to get peace and strength from a person than I was from God.
Is it possible to have God's grace and that be enough to somehow have peace when life seems off balance? Is it possible to wait patiently when our prayers seem to linger and not get the quick response? Well, for me I have no other choice, I have to believe that HIS grace will carry me through the waiting of my HOPE being fulfilled.
Jesus, I want to say thank you. Thank you for giving me hope against all hope. Thank you for creating the gift of hope. It has been an anchor to my soul. YOU are my hope God. You are my GOD who does the impossible. You are my best friend, I can not say thank you enough because your grace has carried me all these years. God I am sure there are many out there who have prayers that seem to go unanswered, but help us to continue to hope against all hope as Abraham did. God, work in our minds that we wouldn't let doubt and discouragement bring out the worst in us, but help us relax, and trust you. And Lord, when we've run out of words to say, please intercede on our behalf. Help us to be still and rest in YOU!
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