My "in between"

I'm in a "in between" stage right now.  I'm frustrated God that I don't "feel" you right now.  I'm restless that the butterfly feelings seem to have faded.  I read your WORD and want to get that "oooh this is for me" verse.  But lately, it hasn't happened. I wonder God, I wonder if I'm just going through motions, if  I'm not "close" enough to you and that's why I "feel" this way.  Then I think, what if this is just life?  I mean how many times have I read articles about marriages that say, you may not always feel "in love" with your spouse, but you stay committed anyways.  Our feelings are so fickle and can change just by the sound of a song or the smell of a past scent that triggers a memory.  Our feelings can't be an indicator of our walk with you.  I guess I should know this, I just don't like this distant feeling. 

I don't like feeling as though the drive and passion to seek you is a chore.  I want to get excited to wake up and spend time with you.  I want to know the AWE and Wonder of how mighty you are and not minimize WHO YOU ARE.  I think of  Psalm 51:12 " Restore to me the joy of Your salvation And sustain me with a willing spirit."  Sustain me to seek you even when I don't feel like it.  Help me to find my joy in YOU and be willing to pass through the "feelings".

Lord, you know my heart and how I have no scholarly background about your word.  I read the bible and just pray Holy Spirit that you would make sense of it all and that I would be fed the truth and share with those in need.  I pray that more than just talking about YOU I would be a doer of your WORD.  Please take away this "distant" feeling.  Please help me not rely on my feelings to reflect how close or far I am from you.  Please do not let me get into legalism as if there are steps that I need to do to have your favor or love.  You love me PERIOD end of story.  You gave your son Jesus for my sins, not because I deserved it, but because you love me.  Take away any thoughts that would try to condemn or pass judgment on myself.  I DO NOT want to live by mere feelings, but on your truth.