The Great I AM "my Provider"

 

Financial stress is not new to me.  I have dealt with feeling financial pressure from a very young age.  I will NEVER forget all the school loans I took out during my undergraduate years, not  to splurge on meaningless  material things, but help me pay for daycare (struggles of being a single parent and trying to finish school), help make car payments ( I needed transportation) and just the necessities of school.  I look back now and think about times I would say " I'm not hungry" when my school friends and I would have lunch, mainly because I really didn't have money to pay for myself.  I remember one of my closest friends and I sharing 3 bucks and getting chips ( hot cheetohs LOL) and a drink.  It was enough to get by and have some fuel.

 

I remember being angry that my dad left and didn't ever come back like he said when he went to start a business overseas and got settled.  We never got financial help when he left, but the main pain was just the fact he was gone.  Living with my mom was a move from God, I know it.  It placed me in a position to have freedom to go to church and not worry about hiding my faith or being scared of causing anger to my dad.  In a financial sense, she too did not have a lot money, but spiritually we were rich.  However, as a young teenage girl, the affects of not having a lot of money seemed to over shadow the spiritual blessings.  What I'm trying to say is,  there were YEARS where I struggled coming up with enough money to buy school clothes in high school, college, gas, food, ect.  When I went to UCLA as a freshman in college, I had the biggest culture SHOCK in my LIFE!  I felt as though many of my school friends came from well off backgrounds and I just felt inferior, embarrassed that I didn't have as much as others ( I know this sounds probably insignificant, but trust me, the enemy used this to get me to think I didn't belong and no one could relate to me).

Parties, birthdays, and celebrations, always seemed so stressful for me, because I wanted to give great gifts, actually anything, but barely had enough to give what my heart wanted.  It may seem futile to write this, but when you are in a financial rut and you long to give to others and CAN'T, it is a mental, emotional weight carried in your heart. 

I know what its like to be the borrower, and have close friends help me when I had nothing.  I know what its like to look for change in couches or under places to just buy diaper rash cream, even GAS!  I know what its like to try to do a budget only to realize you don't make enough to pay the bills, and you wonder where is the extra money going to come from?

I remember just clinging to Deuteronomy 28:13 "The LORD will make you the head, not the tail. If you pay attention to the commands of the LORD your God that I give you this day and carefully follow them, you will always be at the top, never at the bottom."

I told God I wanted to be a lender, to help those in need.  I told God, I was tired of feeling like I was on the bottom barely getting by, living in defeat.  When I got a hold of that verse, it was a reminder of God's heart to bless us, help us even financially.  I want to be blessed so I can bless others.
Here I am NOW.....God you have taken me from the financial hardship of my youth and have placed my feet on solid ground.  You have given me hope and many opportunities to grow and see YOUR mighty hand move on my behalf.  You've done so much for me....for me....I can NEVER EVER repay you for your goodness to me. God Thank you for the "turn around".  Thank you for making me the head and not the tail.  Thank you for supplying all of our needs.  God I come to you now, many people are struggling, working their hearts and bodies tirelessly to make a living.  Please give us help, please bless your people.  Take any financial mountain that stand in our way and show your mighty power.  Give our minds rest from financial stress, help us to look away from the number crunching and the daunting struggle of being debt free and look to you for guidance in how to manage money.  For those that need blessing over businesses, bless them, for those who need a job, provide, for those who are barely making it, bring abundance! I ask this in the only name that matters...in JESUS NAME AMEN!

Romans 15:13 " May the God of HOPE fill you with all joy and PEACE as you TRUST in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.