Yet again I find myself overwhelmed and feeling way too busy. I am going through my day exhausted and hardly feel as though I have gotten anything done. I want to do it ALL! Conquer the world, I have many, many plans, but I have NO idea where to begin. I plop on my couch for about 5 minutes before the kids start asking for food, before an argument starts and before I realize its already time to feed, bathe, pray and put kids to sleep. I'm tired. Very Tired.
I started going to a cross fit gym and LOVE it, however, after going back to work as a teacher, the classes offered conflict with my schedule. I am torn and distressed at the fact that I may have to stop taking these classes. You see, working a full time job and coming home having to also pull a full time shift can be very demanding. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE being a parent, but I HATE feeling like I can't do it all, or that my time is split between a hundred different things. I find myself wishing I had more time, but honestly even with more time somehow I get less done. I work good under pressure. I am a natural procrastinator. So even if I did have more time, I would wait til the very LAST minute to get many things accomplished. I've prayed so much about this, but seriously I have a lot of work to do in that area. Give me a full time schedule and somehow I will find ways to make things happen. I may look like a mess, feel like a zombie and get more moody than ever, but I will get things done!
I find myself in my typical situation YET AGAIN. I want to take on way too many things that squeeze my time and honestly suck out the joy of what I should be experiencing. I am reading through the book of Corinthians right now and in 1 Corinthians 9:26 it says "So I DO NOT run aimlessly; I DO NOT box as one beating the air." The apostle Paul is talking to the church in Corinth and reminding them not to forget their purpose and goal in life. Our purpose to share the gospel, help and serve others. He talks about having self control, discipline both physically, and mentally. He talks about our spiritual race we are running and how we run for an "imperishable prize". And then it hit me......what is my race? What is my purpose in life? Am I running aimlessly? Actually, I think I am.... I think I try to do so much just because I don't want to "miss out" or feel "left behind". All this doing too much is making me feel like a crazy woman running around doing too much and getting so little done! There is nothing wrong with setting high goals for yourself and pushing yourself to new limits. However, I am queen of trying to do it all and then doing nothing at ALL! You know it's bad when people have called you "anticlimactic" or "focused-forgetful" or "corn "Flake" because you don't finish what you start, or you talk the talk and skip the actions part. I need to re-evaluate what I need to do and how I can fit things in my life. I may have to say "no" to something's, even though I want to say "yes" to it all.
I may NOT be able to keep up with what others are doing, but maybe, just maybe that's okay. Maybe, I entered myself into a race that is not for me. Or maybe I keep on putting expectations on myself that are leaving me breathless and burdened. Maybe I am trying to keep up, instead of doing what works best for God, myself and my family. Maybe, I got started running aimlessly, and need to step back and pray that God helps me choose the best. I don't want to be foolish and "box as one beating the air". I want every minute in my life to count. If I can't do it all, then I pray I do the best at whatever I do.
Lord, fill our hearts with you purpose. Help us not to run aimlessly, but use our time wisely. Help us to finish what we start and to be wise about what we choose to spend our time doing. You are our creator and you know all the desires of our hearts, Please help us run our race with you as our goal. Help us not waste time with busyness that we barely have time to enjoy and value all that we have. Give us self discipline to take care of what you have entrusted us with. And if we do find ourselves being busy with things we do not need to be doing, help redirect us to stay focused NOT forgetful!
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